Last week I read this post by my college friend, Erin Loechner. She was part of a blogging campaign encouraging transparency in our fears and anxieties. Often times blogs tend to highlight the mountain tops of our lives rather the valleys. We all struggle, we all need compassion, we all make messes, and the “pretending we have it all together” days are long gone. I was inspired by her honesty and thought it was time to share my current messes with you….
————————————————————————————————————————-
Life changes quickly. One minute you have a plan and everything happens in perspective to that plan. The next minute you receive that one phone call, read that one email, or make that one choice and everything changes. Your vertical turns horizontal, up becomes down, forward becomes an illusion, and gravity loosens its grip. We blink and suddenly find ourselves floating in violent seas in search of our next lighthouse.
My life has done some major rearranging the last few months. The changes were sudden and unexpected and took my voice away. Aside from my husband and a few close friends brave enough to wander at sea with me, I’ve kept quiet in life and on this blog.
The largest of these changes has been the closing down of my Studio. Yes I just said that.
I have closed my Studio at Edgehill Village.
I have been scared to share this news with the world because I felt it painted me a failure. I feared that all of my internal doubts would now become a reality and it’s the only lens the world would see me through. Though I can’t share the details of how I fully came to this decision, I will share that I don’t regret any step of this process. There was something inside of me that needed to heal, something that needed to be laid to rest, and something in me that needed to be awaken.
Have you ever had a grief so deep that it magnetically pulls all your past griefs to its side? This has been my experience the last couple of months. I’m emerging from the other side with a well watered garden ready to plant new dreams. I no longer see this change as a failure but as a stepping stone.
I am a work in progress. Creative Spillage is a work in progress. We are both still progressing. I am blessed to say that I have moved my studio home and my business is better than ever. I have not given up painting. I’ve just had to do a little rearranging.
Are there things you are hiding from the world? Are you afraid of being labeled a failure?
“Failure? I never encountered it. All I ever met were temporary setbacks.” –Dottie Walters
So proud and inspired by your heart and bravery! Failure is never a word I could equate with you, that is why I love that you use the word spillage. It drew me to you from the start!
Following Christ never looks the way we (in our fleshly mInds) think it will. I am learning this, too. I’m thankful He gave you this great trust and courage to walk away from what you thought it’d look like right now, and walk into what He has already prepared.
You know my life…thus far nothing looks the way I had forseen it…and yet somehow everything feels just as it’s supposed to. :) Love.
You are in no way a failure. You did the right thing. You said something in you needed to heal. You recognized that and you’re letting the healing happen. It doesn’t sound as if you’re blocking it in any way. That’s not failure, that’s progress. I wish you the best :)
Many thanks, Vanessa!
I don’t think of you closing the studio as a failure, just a life lesson. We never know until we try. I just got back from an out of town Atlanta show. I put so much time, effort and money into this adventure just to come home with very little to show for my time. But I did enjoy myself and have lots of inventory and I didn’t have a total loss. I’m sure you experienced the same with your studio. I know now out of town shows aren’t my thing, but I gave it my best. However I will continue doing local events and such, it’s just a better fit for me. I can’t wait to see what’s in store for you. You are an amazing talented loving artist that puts her soul into her art, and I love you for that.
We live and we learn! I still think a studio is in my future, just the timing is off now and the situation wasn’t best. You never know until you try! Thanks Kim
I love your transparency and honesty; I had to make a similar decision in my own life almost two years ago and I can honestly say that my passions remain unchanged, just the way I thought God wanted me to demonstrate them did. Thank you for sharing xx
Your words are perfect. “my passions remain unchanged, just the way I thought God wanted me to demonstrate them did” PERFECT. Most people are assuming it was a financial decision to close and it most definitely was not. You nailed it on the head. Thanks Fiona!
Your honesty is one of the many reasons I adore you and miss you terribly. I have spent most of my life hiding something from someone (or everyone) with a fear of rejection, mockery or ridicule. You continue to show me the beauty of life no matter how clean or messy it is. Thank you for that and I’m excited about your “new” studio.
I miss you too! I would love to catch up sometime soon. We are pretty much out of town consistently through the beginning of June. When I get back lets plan something…
Thank you for sharing. I’m encouraged by your transparency. Proud of you for walking obediently through this even though it was difficult – there is absolutely no failure in that. I’m excited to see what God has next for you. Love you.
Thanks for all of your support along the way friend. Love.