Last week I read this post by my college friend, Erin Loechner. She was part of a blogging campaign encouraging transparency in our fears and anxieties. Often times blogs tend to highlight the mountain tops of our lives rather the valleys. We all struggle, we all need compassion, we all make messes, and the “pretending we have it all together” days are long gone. I was inspired by her honesty and thought it was time to share my current messes with you….
Life changes quickly. One minute you have a plan and everything happens in perspective to that plan. The next minute you receive that one phone call, read that one email, or make that one choice and everything changes. Your vertical turns horizontal, up becomes down, forward becomes an illusion, and gravity loosens its grip. We blink and suddenly find ourselves floating in violent seas in search of our next lighthouse.
My life has done some major rearranging the last few months. The changes were sudden and unexpected and took my voice away. Aside from my husband and a few close friends brave enough to wander at sea with me, I’ve kept quiet in life and on this blog.
The largest of these changes has been the closing down of my Studio. Yes I just said that.
I have closed my Studio at Edgehill Village.
I have been scared to share this news with the world because I felt it painted me a failure. I feared that all of my internal doubts would now become a reality and it’s the only lens the world would see me through. Though I can’t share the details of how I fully came to this decision, I will share that I don’t regret any step of this process. There was something inside of me that needed to heal, something that needed to be laid to rest, and something in me that needed to be awaken.
Have you ever had a grief so deep that it magnetically pulls all your past griefs to its side? This has been my experience the last couple of months. I’m emerging from the other side with a well watered garden ready to plant new dreams. I no longer see this change as a failure but as a stepping stone.
I am a work in progress. Creative Spillage is a work in progress. We are both still progressing. I am blessed to say that I have moved my studio home and my business is better than ever. I have not given up painting. I’ve just had to do a little rearranging.
Are there things you are hiding from the world? Are you afraid of being labeled a failure?